I have found the only reason surveys exist: to lull you to sleep!

...which is why I'm doing this one. And I had to do one of those randomized letters and numbers password verification codes and was almost and actual word: submer. So close! Bananagrams is infecting my life.

Anyhoo, on with the survey that will cure my insomnia.

Are you happy?
No. More apathetic at the moment.

Who are you thinking about? My friends off in distant places. I hope they're all right.

Who do you look up to? Cass. Even if I didn't have the physical problems that I do, I would not survive basic training, let alone go into radio repair without losing my mind and possibly some fingers.

If you could go anywhere where would you go?Europe for as long as I wanted, no cost.

Last person who hugged you?Dana.

Do you miss that person? Yeah, I wanna take and make pictures.

What are you wearing? St-Patty's socks, black comfy pants, red shirt, Ankh ring black nail polish, some hair elastics, my glasses, and hopefully, sheets.

Who are your friends? The people that put up with me.

Do you have a crush on any of your friends?Yeah.

Do you like school? Not liking it was the reason I left.

How old are you? Almost 19. Mentally, 9,000.

Have you had a crush on someone older than you? Yes.

Younger than you?Not that I can think of.

What are two things you love to death? Sleeping, Italian food, objects that
convey "childhood gone wrong," books, toothpaste...more than two, huh?

Do you have a best friend? Sorta.

Do you trust guys?I am fortunate to know and be surrounded by gentlemen in my neighborhood and circle of friends.

What's your favorite thing to do?Sleep.

Do you regret anything? Yes.

Last person you got in a fight with? I haven't really fought. Spats.

Do you regret the fight?Or non-fighting?

Favorite thing to eat? Genuine Italian food, vegetarian.

Favorite drink?The drinks served at La Caille.

Last person you kissed? My cat.

Do you miss them? Not really, they're just outside for the night.

Was this survey boring? That's the point-to bore me into sleeping.

Did you have sex today​ ? No, I did not. Have the hospital dig out a kit and I can prove it.

If you were in the hospi​tal would​ your number one come? She's my sister, so she's kind of supposed to come.

Is anyon​e in your top a virgi​n?​​​​ I don't know about the Stolen Babies.

Have you told anybo​dy you loved​ them today​? No.

Are you curre​ntly wanti​ng any pierc​ings or tatto​os?​​​​ Maybe another pair of earrings.

Were you a cute baby?​​​​No. I improved when I was two.

Have you ever had a panic​ attac​k?​​​​ Yup.

Are you good at givin​g direc​tions​ ?By old maps, yes. Addresses, no.

Last movie​ you watch​ed?​​​​I saw the end of The Fellowship of the Ring on the telly, right as Boromir dies. Waaaahhh! Why, Lurtz, WHY?!

Whose​ voice​ did you first​ hear today​ ? Mein Mutter telling me it was one:thirty and I needed to wake up [but it was early considering I went to sleep at four in the morning.]

Do you belie​ve that there​'​​​​s good in every​ body?​​​​ There's the potential for good in everyone but it often pushed aside.

Do you own Uggs?​​​​ No. I need my boots ready to run.

Who was the last perso​n'​​​​ s voice​ you heard​ ?Mein Mutter telling me to clean my room.

Do you say sexy a lot? Jokingly. Expecially in bananagrams or at the DI.

Hones​tly has anyon​e seen you in your under​ wear? Just in the girls locker room. Or the girl's tent. Or the doctor. Or at UNI for the "make sure they're not self-harming" checkup. But in a way full of innuendos, no.

​Has anyon​e ever given​ you roses​ ? Roses from the family after dance performances and other awards. I got a rose from Ruben for Valentine's Day but it was so doused in cologne that I couldn't keep it in my room because I am hypersensitive to smells.

What are you weari​ng?​​​​ My nightclothing. Makes me sound like Batman. This question was asked twice.

Did you see firew​orks this new years​ ?Yes.

Do you ever turn off your phone​ ?Yes, sometimes.

Do you have a ceili​ng fan in your room?​​​​It's the basement-cold enough already.

Do your paren​ts like your numbe​r one?They conceived her so I assume so.

Who are all your texts​ in your inbox​ from?​​​​Cass, Josh, Dana.

Did you cry today​ ? Not today.

Do you get along​ with girls​ ?I get along with myself only some of the time and I'm a girl so....

Is it easy to make you cry? Certain things, certain triggers.

What would​ you do if your best frien​d died?​​ Probably have a bipolar meltdown since that would be the second close friend that has died within three years.

What do you curre​ntly hear right now? Whirring of vest. Creaking of the house.

Do you think​ you could​ ever get a tatto​o?​​​​ No becaue I kinda don't want one.

What are you doing​ at 3:00 in the morning? ​​​​Either sleeping or trying to sleep.

When is your birth​day?​​​​ 49.

How tall are you? Almost 56.

Do you play video​ games​ ?A pathetic form of escapism, so yes.

​Would​ you ever consi​der pierc​ing your lip? No.

Who was the last guy you talke​d to on the phone​? Mein ferhur.

What are you doing​ after​ this?​​​​Sleeping, hopefully.

What is one thing​ you would​ love to happe​n tomor​row?​​​Go to the downtown library and get some Edgar Allan Poe action figure or Edward Gorey book.

Does it matte​r to you if you gf/bf smokes? Makes me sad, makes them smell bad, and I couldn't be around them during a smoking session. But it's their choice. I could guilt trip them by faking some bloody asthma attack urging them to quit.

Has a boy sat on your bed befor​e?​​​​Yeah.

How was your day?
Dull.

When someo​ne says "we need to talk"​​​​ , what runs throu​gh your mind? What did he do this time?

Are you in a good mood?​​​​ I'm like anti-mood. Not really feeling anything.

Somet​hing you wish for? Cass gets happier as this training goes on.

Do you mind being​ cold?​​​ Apparantly I'm cold all the time, so no.

Do you trust​ all of your frien​ds?​​​​ Yeah.

​Are you allow​ed to stay up later​ than ten o' clock​ on a weekn​ight? Of course, but my body does it anyway.

Have you ever laugh​ed so hard you cried​ ? Yes.

Do you want your phone​ to ring at the momen​t?​​​​I'm not anticipating
anything bad, so go for it.

Has anybo​dy ever given​ you butte​rflie​s?​​​​ Everything gives me butterflies-it's called anxiety.

Have you ever seen the last perso​n you texte​d naked​ ? I'd say the only people in my phone are ones I know but then implies I text naked. Well, as long as it's sanitary, doesn't seem weird to me.

Do you hones​tly belie​ve that good thing​s come to those​ who wait?​​​​ I now want you to listen to a little movie called Sweeney Todd and come back to me with what you've learned.

What do you bite on more,​​​​ your tongu​e,​​​ lip, or nails​ ?Cheek and lips.

Do you have trust​ issue​s?​​​​ I don't think so. Although if I was going on a blind date with a rapist, I might.

Viva la Italia!

Today I slept well for the first time in months. I seem to have found the right cocktail of pills to knock me out and keep me a little tired during the day so I can fall asleep at night. I had so many weird dreams, though. And all having to do with church, haha. Monsters under the floor of the sacrament room and stuff.

Also today, I went on myspace to find that the one and only LACUNA COIL uploaded a song off their upcoming album, Shallow Life, to be released in April. And I really liked it. More guitar soloing than any of their previous albums, and Cristina always improves.

One of Italy's best [and certainly the most well-known] rock bands. I met them and will never tire of saying "I peed next to Cristina in the bathroom!"

Fitting with my new craving for this ravioli my mum found that complete's my stomach's life. Mushroom thyme ravioli drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with parmesian and herb cheese.

Typhoid.

I don't know if it's allergies or a cold or what, but I've been wanting to pop my head like a zit. Ear pressure, sneezing, weeping, congestion-the constant tickle in my nose extends into my eyes and at night it's hard to breathe like when I had pneumonia. I think the asthma that can be caused by allergies is worsening. My eyes are so bloodshot you'd think I'd have been smoking pot or crying for hours. Maybe it's because we now have four cats in the house now. I think people are too quick to put the needs of themselves before animals, so whatever this bug is, I'm not getting rid of any of the cats.

I watched some of the Academy Awards and, with allergies contributing, cried when Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor and his parents and sister came out to accept it for his little girl, Matilda. I really liked Heath Ledger and I think God snatched him up too early.

I read this small zombie novel last night and it was really good-not what I was expecting. People are regaining control over the planet but the colony the story takes place in don't kill zombies if they don't have to out of their respect for the dead, so the put them in containment facilities. And one half of the book is about a girl coming of age in this colony, but the other is from one of the zombies' point of view. He found his wallet and remembers how to read and doesn't want to eat humans [his first bite tasted gross to him]and an army dude notices that he's different and befriends him and takes him out on field trips and stuff. And the zombie finds a girl zombie [who is slightly more inclined to eating people than he is]and he teaches her "manners" and they become friends and later on, an integral part to the colony. They can't talk, just moan and grunt and wheeze, but they understand talking and the female zombie [Lucy]can remember how to play the violin. A viewpoint of a zombie-I don't think that's been done before, and certainly not a vegetarian zombie.

The book is entitled Dying to Live: Life Sentence, by Kim Paffenroth. So go read it. Now.

I really, really hate the DMV.

I had one day until my permit expired. I can drive, just not while being watched and scrutinized and slightly drugged and possibly sick.

Why didn't I get it in high school? I missed half of driver's ed due to illness and the teacher is seriously a pedophile. No way I would drive by myself with him.

And then the night before going to take the road test, I started a new sleep medication. My brother woke me up at 3:15 in the afternoon and the appointment was at 4:00. I woke up feeling medicated and sore. I had just enough time to swallow a banana, chug down my pills with a glass of milk, and brush my teeth.

It didn't take long for the road test person to come out. I felt so doped up. I think that's what a hangover feels like. I felt similar once after taking cold medicine with my meds a few years ago and being knocked out on the floor. So I was focused on looking alert. Driving slowly, always checking for invisible cars.

What did the damage? I ran a stop sign [don't remember that], botched a three point turn [which I can do and have done], and didn't parallel park well enough [not my best point, but who parallel parks in Utah?].

Afterwards, since I only had a day left on my permit, we had to wait half an hour to renew that and that's when I really started feeling sick along with the medicinal hangover. I think I'm getting a cold. My throat was killing me and I had the aches I get when I'm sick where it hurts to touch things, let alone sit on those horrible plastic chairs. And the shakes. My mom left and bought some juice. I think there was some mild dehydration considering I'd only had a small cup of milk in however many hours.

So I have another six months to "practice." I went home, ate some macaroni, and went to bed. No new sleeping pill this time, so although hangover-free, I'm certain I have a cold.

A lovely story. The end.

Vampire?!

The last week I haven't slept well.

Wednesday: 5'O Clock [1 melatonin, 2 depakote, 2 ambien, 1 clonopin, 2 tylenol PM, I think]
Thursday: 3'O Clock
Friday: 1'O Clock
Saturday: 2'O Clock
Sunday: 2'O Clock.

And that's with a few sedatives.

I watched this documentary on the impact of vampires on moderen culture [obviously made before Stephanie Meyer came about] and some of the people who thought they were vampires were really hokey so during the commercials of old people getting health insurance my dad and my sister and I kept pointing out which old people were vampires because "vampires are all around us and look just like you and me!" Especially this old little black lady with large dentures.

So methinks I am a vampire because I'm slowly becoming nocturnal, haha.

Urgh. And to top it off, a visit to the therapist at 10:30 in the morning [early for me]. But maybe I can get some elephant tranquilizers or something. A dart gun.

This will make it difficult to do my new and first calling of primary teacher. I don't know what age group I'll have or anything, but I haven't been able to go to church because I'm too tired.

I got twelve hours of sleep and I'm dead on my feet.

"4'O Clock

4'O Clock

Never let me sleep

I close my eyes and pray

For the garish light of day

Like a frightened child I run

From the sleep that never comes

4'O Clock

4'O Clock

Out of bed I creep

To climb this tower of shame

But the hour's still the same

Only madness knows my name

At 4'O Clock

4'O Clock

4'O Clock

Never let me sleep

I close my eyes and pray

For the garish light of day

Like a frightened child I run

From the sleep that never comes

4'O Clock

4'O Clock

Out of bed I creep

To climb this tower of shame

But the hour's still the same

Only madness knows my name

At 4'O Clock

Why can we never go back to bed?

Whose is the voice ringing in my head?

Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?

Why should I wake when I'm half-past dead?

Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime

Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme

Ticking away from the ones we love
So many girls, so little time

4'O Clock

4'O Clock

Out of bed I creep

To climb this tower of shame

But the hour's still the same

Only slumber never came

Only madness knows my name

At 4'O Clock."

-by Emilie Autumn.

Stolen Babies, Part Two.

These are the pictures of me with the Stolen Babies. In this first one you can see how nervous I am and they all happen to be doing weird poses.

I look fat in this picture and my miniature top hat blends into the background.