Analysis of previously blogged dream symbolism:
Obviously I don't want to be eaten alive [who does?], like to fight the supernatural, and have a lot of issues. Dig deeper. I don't feel like I'm being heard. Why? Because I sleep fifteen hours or more. I don't change out of pajamas. I don't eat much because I sleep more. Since I'm not terminal or in a wheelchair, people don't take it seriously. Many don't believe that half my "conditions" exist.
I was one of the few in my class to go to college instead of working part-time and hanging out with friends the rest of the time. I had no money, no friends, was alienated and swamped with things I hadn't been taught. The dorm conditions were terrible and shredded my husk of a body. I would cry nightly. Cut weekly. My teachers were terrible, with one exception. But I assumed it was supposed to be like that and I was doing the right thing. But all those friends back home are happy and prosperous with their part-time jobs, getting cars, getting married [?!], and so busy doing that that they forgot about me.
And here's the good part-I come home because I would have killed myself if I was up there any longer AND everyone flips and goes to school. They are now too busy working and going to school and somehow managing to still party all night. It was like walking into a room and everything's bizarro world, from black to white at the flip of a coin.
So here I lay, in "recovery," for reasons no one thinks legit enough for their precious time to be spent on. People claim their bodies are temples. Mine is a prison.
I don't read much anymore. I lay around and stare. There's nothing for me to do. There is no where to go and no way to get there. Recent events have shown I'm too drugged up and mentally unstable for a license. Not that I have a car like the people who didn't go to school. I can't go outside-I'm allergic to everything out there. I can't work because I have no car, no health, and the economy doesn't bloody help. Why would I ever want to go back to school-to the pressure and money and harassment? Why would I ever want to stay in here in the house sleeping? The hell of everything and the hell of nothing as the world is falling down.
I've been forgotten. Check my empty phone. The lack of responses on the computer. I do reach out. No one fucking answers. I'm screaming in a deaf world.
End transmission.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Got issues? Dream on.
My internet homepage [yahoo.com] had an article about vivid dreams, which I have all the time. So these are the excerpts that relate to me:
You Should See Your Doctor If …You notice symptoms of bipolar disorder or diabetes, since both of these conditions may cause vivid dreaming. Both interrupt REM sleep and therefore affect the body’s ability to separate dreams from waking perceptions. The same effect can occur from taking depression medication, sleep medication, and some over-the-counter drugs. If you notice a recent development of abnormal dreaming associated with a change in your health, it is a good idea to see your doctor to rule out any of these possibilities.
I'm bipolar and taking anti-depressants, sedatives, and over the counter drugs. Ha.
The problem with vivid dreams is separating them from waking reality. However, the practice of lucid dreaming, in which you become increasingly aware of your dreams until you actually develop the ability to control them, may offer a solution that doesn’t stem from any of the root causes listed above. Oneironauts, or lucid dreamers, train themselves to alter their dream experiences to include flight, exotic travel, delicious tastes, and any other vivid experiences they desire.
"Reality sometimes stranger than fiction
Whatever happens in my dreams
I know it can be worse than this
So I prefer to sleep."
-Epica.
Sometimes I'm aware I'm dreaming and use it to do whatever I want. Then I forget or I wake up disappointed to be in reality. It's fun sometimes.
And then there was a link to dream dictionaries and stuff. So here are a few things that reappear in my dreams: with my response in italics:
Maggots: To see maggots in your dream, represents your anxieties about death. It may also be indicative of some issue or problem that you have been rejecting and it is now "eating away" at you . You need to confront it for it is destroying your sense of harmony and balance. Usually there's something rotting my dream or I'm vomiting maggots [and any other grubs that look like them...not earthworms though, I like earthworms].
Crocodiles: To see a crocodile in your dream, symbolizes freedom, hidden strength and power. It forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. Because crocodiles can live in water and on land, they also represent your conscious and unconscious and the emotional and the rational. Perhaps something is coming to the surface and you are on the verge of some new awareness. Alternatively, the crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or it may reveal that are being insincere, displaying false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears".To dream that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile, denotes disappointments in love and in business. I dream that I'm in murky water and I know the crocs are there and wait to be eaten alive. They always take bits out of my inner thighs first because I'm afraid of the arteries there being slashed-like in Hannibal. I love Steve Irwin and the work he's done on educating the public on these beautiful creatures, though. Strange.
Sharks: To see a shark in your dream, indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others. You may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. Alternatively, it represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities. Again, just being eaten alive. I watch too much Animal Planet. Fascinating creatures, though.
Arms: To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities. The right arm signifies your outgoing nature and is associated with masculine energy, while your left arm signifies your supportive or nurturing nature and is associated with feminine qualities. Losing either arm may suggest that you are failing to recognize its respective characteristics. I dream about my arteries being cut or I am injured on the inner arm where it's not as tough.
Legs:To dream that you legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand. A lot of times my legs can't hold my weight and they can't straighten out. Usually I'm carrying a heavy backpack at school.
Lips: To see lips in your dream, signifies sensuality, sex, love, and romance. They are also seen as a means of communication as in the familiar phrase "read my lips". To dream that your lips are blue, indicates possible problems with your blood circulation and even death. Um, I don't dream about lips, I dream with lips. That sounds wrong, haha. But instead of touching things with my fingertips I use my lips like a baby.
Veins: To see your vein in your dream, signifies that you are shielded from slander. To dream that your veins are bleeding, foretells that you will experience great and inescapable sorrow. To dream that your veins are swollen, signifies your hastiness in placing trust. Veins/arteries being cut in tender places.
Aliens: To see aliens in your dream , signifies that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and invaded. On a psychological level, seeing aliens may represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self. It's the aliens from "Signs" and I'm trying to warn people about them. Of course, no one believes me, I'm crippled, and they're able to become invisible.
Demons: To see demons in your dream, represents ignorance, negativity, distress or your shadow self. It also forewarns of overindulgence and letting lust give way to your better judgment. As a result, your physical and mental health may suffer. To dream that you are possessed by demons, indicates ultimate helplessness. When I dream about demons I dream about evil spirits and I'm trying to warn people because I can feel them nearby and that's just stuff you don't mess with. And I'm scared of possession.
Ghost:To see the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person. Not "ghost," more of spirit. People who I've lost are there for a little while and I'm sad because I know they can't stay.
Monster: To dream that you are chased or followed by a monster, represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. To dream that you kill a monster, signifies that you will successfully deal with your rivals and advance to a higher and better position. My monsters eat me alive and they leak black blood.
Soldier: To see a soldier in your dream, signifies discipline or your staunch attitudes. You may be imposing your opinions and feelings on others. Alternatively, you are preparing yourself to do battle over an issue. You feel the need to defend your beliefs, values and opinions. I'm either a soldier of some sort in a post-apocalyptic situation or fighting mythical bad guys. Those are fun dreams.
Superhero: To dream that you are a superhero, indicates your above-average talents, ideas, and abilities you may not realized you possessed. By superhero, I usually am a vampire slayer, haha. Sometimes I can fly a little bit, but flying takes focus and it's more like levitation.
Vampire: To see a vampire in your dream, symbolizes seduction, sensuality, and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. The vampire may also be symbolic for someone who is addicted to drugs or someone in an obsessive relationship.To dream that you are a vampire, signifies that you are sucking in the life energy of others for your own selfish benefit. I've been a vampire and have fought vampires, but I've never been a bad vampire. I guess I'm a vampire with a soul!
Zombie: To dream that you are a zombie, denotes that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are out of touch. I'm not the zombie. I'm fighting the zombies and tend to lose and be eaten alive which leaves me waking up in pain.
Afraid: To dream that you are afraid, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence in your waking life. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.
Anger: To dream that you are feeling much anger, forewarns that you will be involved in a terrible and tense situation. Your loved ones will let your down and disappoint you. It also forewarns that once solid ties will be broken. Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. In your dream, you may have a safe outlet to express such emotions. You may have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.
Anxiety: To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream. This dream also denotes that you are disastrous mixing business with pleasure. I try to save people in half my dreams against supernatural foes or events-of course I'm anxious!
Confused: To dream that you are confused, may reflect your true confused state of mind and the nonsensical events of your dream. Isolate the single element in your dream that is confusing to you and analyze the meaning of that particular symbol. Alternatively, dreams of confusion signifies that you are being pulled in opposite directions or do not know which viewpoint is right. I get confused when I'm slightly lucid enough to realize "This is weird" but not enough to say "I'm going to use this dream to go to Europe."
Distress: To dream that you or others are in distress, represents worries and unhappiness in your waking life. Things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that your worries were unfounded. Perhaps the dream is telling you to lighten up. I'm distressed because people don't believe me.
Embarrassment: To dream that you are embarrassed, signifies hidden weaknesses, fears and lack of self-confidence. This dream also suggests of insecurities about your sexuality. I'm only embarrassed when I'm in the halls of my high school, carrying a backpack that's way too heavy, and my legs don't hold me but no one believes I can't carry a backpack.
Frustration: To dream that you feel frustrated, represents your difficulty in coping with a situation in your daily life. It may reflect your concerns that your life is not going in the direction you want. I only get frustrated in my dreams when stupid people don't listen to me and I end up being a martyr.
Melancholy:To dream that you are feeling melancholy, signifies disappointment in an event that was assumed to be a success.
To see others melancholy in your dream, signifies unpleasant interruptions in your affairs that need to be tended to immediately. Most of the melancholia is when I'm lucid and realize that at some point I will wake up.
Nausea: To dream that you have nausea, signifies that you are suffering from a sickening situation or condition in which you are trying to rid yourself of. I don't get nauseous but I just kneel and vomit maggots like when Ron Weasley is vomiting slugs.
Pain: To dream that you are in pain, signifies that you are being too hard on yourself with regards to a situation that was out of your control. It may also be a true reflection of real pain that exists somewhere in your body. I feel pain in my dreams when I'm being eaten alive-it's agonizing pain.
Panic: To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision. In a swarming mountain of ravenous, rottting cannibals, yeah.
Rage: To dream that you are in rage, signifies that your bad temper and negative outbursts may lead to loss of friends. People don't listen to me. So I scream. I do the masculine, death metal growls and roars of Angela Gossow. And I swear, haha.
Smothered: To dream that you feel suffocated, signifies that you are feeling smothered by some situation or relationship. Just being smothered by the mountain of dead bodies.
Yearn: To dream that you yearn for someone, foretells that you will find joy and contentment with your present love. Again, only in lucid dreams, I yearn for happy dreams of some sort.
Meals: To see meals in your dream, signifies that you dwell too much on trivial matters and it will divert your attention from more important engagements and matters. Not much food in my dreams. But it's in a meal.
Noodles: To see noodles in your dream, signifies an abnormal appetite and desire. Is ravioli a noodle? I dreamt about it a week or two ago.
Buildings: To see a building in ruins, forewarns of problems in love and/or business accompanied with great loss. Your own self-image has suffered and taken some blow. I'm above the buildings, levitating as I search for "bad guys."
Cafeteria: To dream that you are in a cafeteria, denotes that there may be a lot of issues "eating" you up inside. Part of school dreams. I never eat, though.
Church: To see the outside of the church in your dream, signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred. To see the inside of a church in your dream, signifies that you may experience some minor setbacks. However, what seems to be nuisances will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. In my dreams, churches are not where you want to be.
City: To see a city in your dream, signifies a sense of community and your social environment. To dream that you are in a deserted city or that you feel alienated from the activity of the city, then it suggests that you feel rejected by those around you. To see a city in ruins, denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate. I have a lot of post-apocalyptic dreams and go and kill the unhuman bad guys, whatever they may be.
Classroom: To dream that you are in a classroom, indicates that you may be learning an important life lesson. Alternatively, it symbolizes personal growth. You are learning something about yourself. To dream that you are looking for a classroom, suggests that you need to expand your knowledge and learning. Just part of the school dreams. I miss high school, so my brain is recreating it.
Museum: To see a museum in your dream, indicates that your non-traditional path to success will make you unique and stand out from the rest. Alternatively, the museum may represent a history of yourself and your past. There are many things you can learn from your past and your family's past. Consider what you have gained from these experiences and apply them to your current circumstances. To dream that you are in a museum, represents an opportunity for you to review and reflect on the things you value in life. Lately I've been having a several-night dream about being in a school with a museum inside; a college perhaps, but everyone from high school is there.
PArk: To dream that you are at a park, represents a temporary escape from reality. It indicates renewal, meditation, and spirituality. It also suggests a readjustment period after a serious personal conflict or an ending of a passionate affair. To dream that you are lost in a park, indicates your struggles with your career, relationship, or other problem. You may feel alienated by society. I'm usually running through the parking lot of the park by my house.
Parking Lot: To dream that you are in parking lot, suggests that you need to slow down and take some time to relax from your daily activities. No, it's just in the way of where I'm going.
School: To dream that you are in school, signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about your performance and abilities. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. To dream that you are looking for a school, suggests that you need to expand your knowledge and learning. To dream that your childhood school is in ruins, suggests that you are dwelling on some unresolved childhood issue. Alternatively, the dream represents the passage of time. You need to look toward the future instead of reliving the past. When you're too weak to leave the house and everything was better in the past, that's all I can do. Everyone from high school is too busy to hang out, having the time of their lives. Since it hasn't happened to them, they are physically uncapable of understanding the suffering of the one left behind.
You Should See Your Doctor If …You notice symptoms of bipolar disorder or diabetes, since both of these conditions may cause vivid dreaming. Both interrupt REM sleep and therefore affect the body’s ability to separate dreams from waking perceptions. The same effect can occur from taking depression medication, sleep medication, and some over-the-counter drugs. If you notice a recent development of abnormal dreaming associated with a change in your health, it is a good idea to see your doctor to rule out any of these possibilities.
I'm bipolar and taking anti-depressants, sedatives, and over the counter drugs. Ha.
The problem with vivid dreams is separating them from waking reality. However, the practice of lucid dreaming, in which you become increasingly aware of your dreams until you actually develop the ability to control them, may offer a solution that doesn’t stem from any of the root causes listed above. Oneironauts, or lucid dreamers, train themselves to alter their dream experiences to include flight, exotic travel, delicious tastes, and any other vivid experiences they desire.
"Reality sometimes stranger than fiction
Whatever happens in my dreams
I know it can be worse than this
So I prefer to sleep."
-Epica.
Sometimes I'm aware I'm dreaming and use it to do whatever I want. Then I forget or I wake up disappointed to be in reality. It's fun sometimes.
And then there was a link to dream dictionaries and stuff. So here are a few things that reappear in my dreams: with my response in italics:
Maggots: To see maggots in your dream, represents your anxieties about death. It may also be indicative of some issue or problem that you have been rejecting and it is now "eating away" at you . You need to confront it for it is destroying your sense of harmony and balance. Usually there's something rotting my dream or I'm vomiting maggots [and any other grubs that look like them...not earthworms though, I like earthworms].
Crocodiles: To see a crocodile in your dream, symbolizes freedom, hidden strength and power. It forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. Because crocodiles can live in water and on land, they also represent your conscious and unconscious and the emotional and the rational. Perhaps something is coming to the surface and you are on the verge of some new awareness. Alternatively, the crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or it may reveal that are being insincere, displaying false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears".To dream that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile, denotes disappointments in love and in business. I dream that I'm in murky water and I know the crocs are there and wait to be eaten alive. They always take bits out of my inner thighs first because I'm afraid of the arteries there being slashed-like in Hannibal. I love Steve Irwin and the work he's done on educating the public on these beautiful creatures, though. Strange.
Sharks: To see a shark in your dream, indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness. You may be an emotional threat to yourself or to others. You may be going through a difficult, painful, or unpleasant emotional period. Alternatively, it represents a person whom you see as greedy and unscrupulous. This person goes after what what he or she wants with no regards to the well-being and sensitivity of others. The shark may also be an aspect of your own personality which exhibit these qualities. Again, just being eaten alive. I watch too much Animal Planet. Fascinating creatures, though.
Arms: To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities. The right arm signifies your outgoing nature and is associated with masculine energy, while your left arm signifies your supportive or nurturing nature and is associated with feminine qualities. Losing either arm may suggest that you are failing to recognize its respective characteristics. I dream about my arteries being cut or I am injured on the inner arm where it's not as tough.
Legs:To dream that you legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand. A lot of times my legs can't hold my weight and they can't straighten out. Usually I'm carrying a heavy backpack at school.
Lips: To see lips in your dream, signifies sensuality, sex, love, and romance. They are also seen as a means of communication as in the familiar phrase "read my lips". To dream that your lips are blue, indicates possible problems with your blood circulation and even death. Um, I don't dream about lips, I dream with lips. That sounds wrong, haha. But instead of touching things with my fingertips I use my lips like a baby.
Veins: To see your vein in your dream, signifies that you are shielded from slander. To dream that your veins are bleeding, foretells that you will experience great and inescapable sorrow. To dream that your veins are swollen, signifies your hastiness in placing trust. Veins/arteries being cut in tender places.
Aliens: To see aliens in your dream , signifies that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and invaded. On a psychological level, seeing aliens may represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self. It's the aliens from "Signs" and I'm trying to warn people about them. Of course, no one believes me, I'm crippled, and they're able to become invisible.
Demons: To see demons in your dream, represents ignorance, negativity, distress or your shadow self. It also forewarns of overindulgence and letting lust give way to your better judgment. As a result, your physical and mental health may suffer. To dream that you are possessed by demons, indicates ultimate helplessness. When I dream about demons I dream about evil spirits and I'm trying to warn people because I can feel them nearby and that's just stuff you don't mess with. And I'm scared of possession.
Ghost:To see the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person. Not "ghost," more of spirit. People who I've lost are there for a little while and I'm sad because I know they can't stay.
Monster: To dream that you are chased or followed by a monster, represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. To dream that you kill a monster, signifies that you will successfully deal with your rivals and advance to a higher and better position. My monsters eat me alive and they leak black blood.
Soldier: To see a soldier in your dream, signifies discipline or your staunch attitudes. You may be imposing your opinions and feelings on others. Alternatively, you are preparing yourself to do battle over an issue. You feel the need to defend your beliefs, values and opinions. I'm either a soldier of some sort in a post-apocalyptic situation or fighting mythical bad guys. Those are fun dreams.
Superhero: To dream that you are a superhero, indicates your above-average talents, ideas, and abilities you may not realized you possessed. By superhero, I usually am a vampire slayer, haha. Sometimes I can fly a little bit, but flying takes focus and it's more like levitation.
Vampire: To see a vampire in your dream, symbolizes seduction, sensuality, and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. The vampire may also be symbolic for someone who is addicted to drugs or someone in an obsessive relationship.To dream that you are a vampire, signifies that you are sucking in the life energy of others for your own selfish benefit. I've been a vampire and have fought vampires, but I've never been a bad vampire. I guess I'm a vampire with a soul!
Zombie: To dream that you are a zombie, denotes that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are out of touch. I'm not the zombie. I'm fighting the zombies and tend to lose and be eaten alive which leaves me waking up in pain.
Afraid: To dream that you are afraid, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence in your waking life. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.
Anger: To dream that you are feeling much anger, forewarns that you will be involved in a terrible and tense situation. Your loved ones will let your down and disappoint you. It also forewarns that once solid ties will be broken. Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. In your dream, you may have a safe outlet to express such emotions. You may have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.
Anxiety: To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream. This dream also denotes that you are disastrous mixing business with pleasure. I try to save people in half my dreams against supernatural foes or events-of course I'm anxious!
Confused: To dream that you are confused, may reflect your true confused state of mind and the nonsensical events of your dream. Isolate the single element in your dream that is confusing to you and analyze the meaning of that particular symbol. Alternatively, dreams of confusion signifies that you are being pulled in opposite directions or do not know which viewpoint is right. I get confused when I'm slightly lucid enough to realize "This is weird" but not enough to say "I'm going to use this dream to go to Europe."
Distress: To dream that you or others are in distress, represents worries and unhappiness in your waking life. Things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that your worries were unfounded. Perhaps the dream is telling you to lighten up. I'm distressed because people don't believe me.
Embarrassment: To dream that you are embarrassed, signifies hidden weaknesses, fears and lack of self-confidence. This dream also suggests of insecurities about your sexuality. I'm only embarrassed when I'm in the halls of my high school, carrying a backpack that's way too heavy, and my legs don't hold me but no one believes I can't carry a backpack.
Frustration: To dream that you feel frustrated, represents your difficulty in coping with a situation in your daily life. It may reflect your concerns that your life is not going in the direction you want. I only get frustrated in my dreams when stupid people don't listen to me and I end up being a martyr.
Melancholy:To dream that you are feeling melancholy, signifies disappointment in an event that was assumed to be a success.
To see others melancholy in your dream, signifies unpleasant interruptions in your affairs that need to be tended to immediately. Most of the melancholia is when I'm lucid and realize that at some point I will wake up.
Nausea: To dream that you have nausea, signifies that you are suffering from a sickening situation or condition in which you are trying to rid yourself of. I don't get nauseous but I just kneel and vomit maggots like when Ron Weasley is vomiting slugs.
Pain: To dream that you are in pain, signifies that you are being too hard on yourself with regards to a situation that was out of your control. It may also be a true reflection of real pain that exists somewhere in your body. I feel pain in my dreams when I'm being eaten alive-it's agonizing pain.
Panic: To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision. In a swarming mountain of ravenous, rottting cannibals, yeah.
Rage: To dream that you are in rage, signifies that your bad temper and negative outbursts may lead to loss of friends. People don't listen to me. So I scream. I do the masculine, death metal growls and roars of Angela Gossow. And I swear, haha.
Smothered: To dream that you feel suffocated, signifies that you are feeling smothered by some situation or relationship. Just being smothered by the mountain of dead bodies.
Yearn: To dream that you yearn for someone, foretells that you will find joy and contentment with your present love. Again, only in lucid dreams, I yearn for happy dreams of some sort.
Meals: To see meals in your dream, signifies that you dwell too much on trivial matters and it will divert your attention from more important engagements and matters. Not much food in my dreams. But it's in a meal.
Noodles: To see noodles in your dream, signifies an abnormal appetite and desire. Is ravioli a noodle? I dreamt about it a week or two ago.
Buildings: To see a building in ruins, forewarns of problems in love and/or business accompanied with great loss. Your own self-image has suffered and taken some blow. I'm above the buildings, levitating as I search for "bad guys."
Cafeteria: To dream that you are in a cafeteria, denotes that there may be a lot of issues "eating" you up inside. Part of school dreams. I never eat, though.
Church: To see the outside of the church in your dream, signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred. To see the inside of a church in your dream, signifies that you may experience some minor setbacks. However, what seems to be nuisances will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. In my dreams, churches are not where you want to be.
City: To see a city in your dream, signifies a sense of community and your social environment. To dream that you are in a deserted city or that you feel alienated from the activity of the city, then it suggests that you feel rejected by those around you. To see a city in ruins, denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate. I have a lot of post-apocalyptic dreams and go and kill the unhuman bad guys, whatever they may be.
Classroom: To dream that you are in a classroom, indicates that you may be learning an important life lesson. Alternatively, it symbolizes personal growth. You are learning something about yourself. To dream that you are looking for a classroom, suggests that you need to expand your knowledge and learning. Just part of the school dreams. I miss high school, so my brain is recreating it.
Museum: To see a museum in your dream, indicates that your non-traditional path to success will make you unique and stand out from the rest. Alternatively, the museum may represent a history of yourself and your past. There are many things you can learn from your past and your family's past. Consider what you have gained from these experiences and apply them to your current circumstances. To dream that you are in a museum, represents an opportunity for you to review and reflect on the things you value in life. Lately I've been having a several-night dream about being in a school with a museum inside; a college perhaps, but everyone from high school is there.
PArk: To dream that you are at a park, represents a temporary escape from reality. It indicates renewal, meditation, and spirituality. It also suggests a readjustment period after a serious personal conflict or an ending of a passionate affair. To dream that you are lost in a park, indicates your struggles with your career, relationship, or other problem. You may feel alienated by society. I'm usually running through the parking lot of the park by my house.
Parking Lot: To dream that you are in parking lot, suggests that you need to slow down and take some time to relax from your daily activities. No, it's just in the way of where I'm going.
School: To dream that you are in school, signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about your performance and abilities. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. To dream that you are looking for a school, suggests that you need to expand your knowledge and learning. To dream that your childhood school is in ruins, suggests that you are dwelling on some unresolved childhood issue. Alternatively, the dream represents the passage of time. You need to look toward the future instead of reliving the past. When you're too weak to leave the house and everything was better in the past, that's all I can do. Everyone from high school is too busy to hang out, having the time of their lives. Since it hasn't happened to them, they are physically uncapable of understanding the suffering of the one left behind.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I have found the only reason surveys exist: to lull you to sleep!
...which is why I'm doing this one. And I had to do one of those randomized letters and numbers password verification codes and was almost and actual word: submer. So close! Bananagrams is infecting my life.
Anyhoo, on with the survey that will cure my insomnia.
Are you happy?
No. More apathetic at the moment.
Who are you thinking about? My friends off in distant places. I hope they're all right.
Who do you look up to? Cass. Even if I didn't have the physical problems that I do, I would not survive basic training, let alone go into radio repair without losing my mind and possibly some fingers.
If you could go anywhere where would you go?Europe for as long as I wanted, no cost.
Last person who hugged you?Dana.
Do you miss that person? Yeah, I wanna take and make pictures.
What are you wearing? St-Patty's socks, black comfy pants, red shirt, Ankh ring black nail polish, some hair elastics, my glasses, and hopefully, sheets.
Who are your friends? The people that put up with me.
Do you have a crush on any of your friends?Yeah.
Do you like school? Not liking it was the reason I left.
How old are you? Almost 19. Mentally, 9,000.
Have you had a crush on someone older than you? Yes.
Younger than you?Not that I can think of.
What are two things you love to death? Sleeping, Italian food, objects that
convey "childhood gone wrong," books, toothpaste...more than two, huh?
Do you have a best friend? Sorta.
Do you trust guys?I am fortunate to know and be surrounded by gentlemen in my neighborhood and circle of friends.
What's your favorite thing to do?Sleep.
Do you regret anything? Yes.
Last person you got in a fight with? I haven't really fought. Spats.
Do you regret the fight?Or non-fighting?
Favorite thing to eat? Genuine Italian food, vegetarian.
Favorite drink?The drinks served at La Caille.
Last person you kissed? My cat.
Do you miss them? Not really, they're just outside for the night.
Was this survey boring? That's the point-to bore me into sleeping.
Did you have sex today ? No, I did not. Have the hospital dig out a kit and I can prove it.
If you were in the hospital would your number one come? She's my sister, so she's kind of supposed to come.
Is anyone in your top a virgin? I don't know about the Stolen Babies.
Have you told anybody you loved them today? No.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Maybe another pair of earrings.
Were you a cute baby?No. I improved when I was two.
Have you ever had a panic attack? Yup.
Are you good at giving directions ?By old maps, yes. Addresses, no.
Last movie you watched?I saw the end of The Fellowship of the Ring on the telly, right as Boromir dies. Waaaahhh! Why, Lurtz, WHY?!
Whose voice did you first hear today ? Mein Mutter telling me it was one:thirty and I needed to wake up [but it was early considering I went to sleep at four in the morning.]
Do you believe that there's good in every body? There's the potential for good in everyone but it often pushed aside.
Do you own Uggs? No. I need my boots ready to run.
Who was the last person' s voice you heard ?Mein Mutter telling me to clean my room.
Do you say sexy a lot? Jokingly. Expecially in bananagrams or at the DI.
Honestly has anyone seen you in your under wear? Just in the girls locker room. Or the girl's tent. Or the doctor. Or at UNI for the "make sure they're not self-harming" checkup. But in a way full of innuendos, no.
Has anyone ever given you roses ? Roses from the family after dance performances and other awards. I got a rose from Ruben for Valentine's Day but it was so doused in cologne that I couldn't keep it in my room because I am hypersensitive to smells.
What are you wearing? My nightclothing. Makes me sound like Batman. This question was asked twice.
Did you see fireworks this new years ?Yes.
Do you ever turn off your phone ?Yes, sometimes.
Do you have a ceiling fan in your room?It's the basement-cold enough already.
Do your parents like your number one?They conceived her so I assume so.
Who are all your texts in your inbox from?Cass, Josh, Dana.
Did you cry today ? Not today.
Do you get along with girls ?I get along with myself only some of the time and I'm a girl so....
Is it easy to make you cry? Certain things, certain triggers.
What would you do if your best friend died? Probably have a bipolar meltdown since that would be the second close friend that has died within three years.
What do you currently hear right now? Whirring of vest. Creaking of the house.
Do you think you could ever get a tattoo? No becaue I kinda don't want one.
What are you doing at 3:00 in the morning? Either sleeping or trying to sleep.
When is your birthday? 49.
How tall are you? Almost 56.
Do you play video games ?A pathetic form of escapism, so yes.
Would you ever consider piercing your lip? No.
Who was the last guy you talked to on the phone? Mein ferhur.
What are you doing after this?Sleeping, hopefully.
What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?Go to the downtown library and get some Edgar Allan Poe action figure or Edward Gorey book.
Does it matter to you if you gf/bf smokes? Makes me sad, makes them smell bad, and I couldn't be around them during a smoking session. But it's their choice. I could guilt trip them by faking some bloody asthma attack urging them to quit.
Has a boy sat on your bed before?Yeah.
How was your day?
Dull.
When someone says "we need to talk" , what runs through your mind? What did he do this time?
Are you in a good mood? I'm like anti-mood. Not really feeling anything.
Something you wish for? Cass gets happier as this training goes on.
Do you mind being cold? Apparantly I'm cold all the time, so no.
Do you trust all of your friends? Yeah.
Are you allowed to stay up later than ten o' clock on a weeknight? Of course, but my body does it anyway.
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried ? Yes.
Do you want your phone to ring at the moment?I'm not anticipating
anything bad, so go for it.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Everything gives me butterflies-it's called anxiety.
Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked ? I'd say the only people in my phone are ones I know but then implies I text naked. Well, as long as it's sanitary, doesn't seem weird to me.
Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait? I now want you to listen to a little movie called Sweeney Todd and come back to me with what you've learned.
What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails ?Cheek and lips.
Do you have trust issues? I don't think so. Although if I was going on a blind date with a rapist, I might.
Anyhoo, on with the survey that will cure my insomnia.
Are you happy?
No. More apathetic at the moment.
Who are you thinking about? My friends off in distant places. I hope they're all right.
Who do you look up to? Cass. Even if I didn't have the physical problems that I do, I would not survive basic training, let alone go into radio repair without losing my mind and possibly some fingers.
If you could go anywhere where would you go?Europe for as long as I wanted, no cost.
Last person who hugged you?Dana.
Do you miss that person? Yeah, I wanna take and make pictures.
What are you wearing? St-Patty's socks, black comfy pants, red shirt, Ankh ring black nail polish, some hair elastics, my glasses, and hopefully, sheets.
Who are your friends? The people that put up with me.
Do you have a crush on any of your friends?Yeah.
Do you like school? Not liking it was the reason I left.
How old are you? Almost 19. Mentally, 9,000.
Have you had a crush on someone older than you? Yes.
Younger than you?Not that I can think of.
What are two things you love to death? Sleeping, Italian food, objects that
convey "childhood gone wrong," books, toothpaste...more than two, huh?
Do you have a best friend? Sorta.
Do you trust guys?I am fortunate to know and be surrounded by gentlemen in my neighborhood and circle of friends.
What's your favorite thing to do?Sleep.
Do you regret anything? Yes.
Last person you got in a fight with? I haven't really fought. Spats.
Do you regret the fight?Or non-fighting?
Favorite thing to eat? Genuine Italian food, vegetarian.
Favorite drink?The drinks served at La Caille.
Last person you kissed? My cat.
Do you miss them? Not really, they're just outside for the night.
Was this survey boring? That's the point-to bore me into sleeping.
Did you have sex today ? No, I did not. Have the hospital dig out a kit and I can prove it.
If you were in the hospital would your number one come? She's my sister, so she's kind of supposed to come.
Is anyone in your top a virgin? I don't know about the Stolen Babies.
Have you told anybody you loved them today? No.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Maybe another pair of earrings.
Were you a cute baby?No. I improved when I was two.
Have you ever had a panic attack? Yup.
Are you good at giving directions ?By old maps, yes. Addresses, no.
Last movie you watched?I saw the end of The Fellowship of the Ring on the telly, right as Boromir dies. Waaaahhh! Why, Lurtz, WHY?!
Whose voice did you first hear today ? Mein Mutter telling me it was one:thirty and I needed to wake up [but it was early considering I went to sleep at four in the morning.]
Do you believe that there's good in every body? There's the potential for good in everyone but it often pushed aside.
Do you own Uggs? No. I need my boots ready to run.
Who was the last person' s voice you heard ?Mein Mutter telling me to clean my room.
Do you say sexy a lot? Jokingly. Expecially in bananagrams or at the DI.
Honestly has anyone seen you in your under wear? Just in the girls locker room. Or the girl's tent. Or the doctor. Or at UNI for the "make sure they're not self-harming" checkup. But in a way full of innuendos, no.
Has anyone ever given you roses ? Roses from the family after dance performances and other awards. I got a rose from Ruben for Valentine's Day but it was so doused in cologne that I couldn't keep it in my room because I am hypersensitive to smells.
What are you wearing? My nightclothing. Makes me sound like Batman. This question was asked twice.
Did you see fireworks this new years ?Yes.
Do you ever turn off your phone ?Yes, sometimes.
Do you have a ceiling fan in your room?It's the basement-cold enough already.
Do your parents like your number one?They conceived her so I assume so.
Who are all your texts in your inbox from?Cass, Josh, Dana.
Did you cry today ? Not today.
Do you get along with girls ?I get along with myself only some of the time and I'm a girl so....
Is it easy to make you cry? Certain things, certain triggers.
What would you do if your best friend died? Probably have a bipolar meltdown since that would be the second close friend that has died within three years.
What do you currently hear right now? Whirring of vest. Creaking of the house.
Do you think you could ever get a tattoo? No becaue I kinda don't want one.
What are you doing at 3:00 in the morning? Either sleeping or trying to sleep.
When is your birthday? 49.
How tall are you? Almost 56.
Do you play video games ?A pathetic form of escapism, so yes.
Would you ever consider piercing your lip? No.
Who was the last guy you talked to on the phone? Mein ferhur.
What are you doing after this?Sleeping, hopefully.
What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?Go to the downtown library and get some Edgar Allan Poe action figure or Edward Gorey book.
Does it matter to you if you gf/bf smokes? Makes me sad, makes them smell bad, and I couldn't be around them during a smoking session. But it's their choice. I could guilt trip them by faking some bloody asthma attack urging them to quit.
Has a boy sat on your bed before?Yeah.
How was your day?
Dull.
When someone says "we need to talk" , what runs through your mind? What did he do this time?
Are you in a good mood? I'm like anti-mood. Not really feeling anything.
Something you wish for? Cass gets happier as this training goes on.
Do you mind being cold? Apparantly I'm cold all the time, so no.
Do you trust all of your friends? Yeah.
Are you allowed to stay up later than ten o' clock on a weeknight? Of course, but my body does it anyway.
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried ? Yes.
Do you want your phone to ring at the moment?I'm not anticipating
anything bad, so go for it.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Everything gives me butterflies-it's called anxiety.
Have you ever seen the last person you texted naked ? I'd say the only people in my phone are ones I know but then implies I text naked. Well, as long as it's sanitary, doesn't seem weird to me.
Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait? I now want you to listen to a little movie called Sweeney Todd and come back to me with what you've learned.
What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails ?Cheek and lips.
Do you have trust issues? I don't think so. Although if I was going on a blind date with a rapist, I might.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Viva la Italia!
Today I slept well for the first time in months. I seem to have found the right cocktail of pills to knock me out and keep me a little tired during the day so I can fall asleep at night. I had so many weird dreams, though. And all having to do with church, haha. Monsters under the floor of the sacrament room and stuff.
Also today, I went on myspace to find that the one and only LACUNA COIL uploaded a song off their upcoming album, Shallow Life, to be released in April. And I really liked it. More guitar soloing than any of their previous albums, and Cristina always improves.
One of Italy's best [and certainly the most well-known] rock bands. I met them and will never tire of saying "I peed next to Cristina in the bathroom!"
Fitting with my new craving for this ravioli my mum found that complete's my stomach's life. Mushroom thyme ravioli drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with parmesian and herb cheese.
Also today, I went on myspace to find that the one and only LACUNA COIL uploaded a song off their upcoming album, Shallow Life, to be released in April. And I really liked it. More guitar soloing than any of their previous albums, and Cristina always improves.
One of Italy's best [and certainly the most well-known] rock bands. I met them and will never tire of saying "I peed next to Cristina in the bathroom!"
Fitting with my new craving for this ravioli my mum found that complete's my stomach's life. Mushroom thyme ravioli drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with parmesian and herb cheese.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Typhoid.
I don't know if it's allergies or a cold or what, but I've been wanting to pop my head like a zit. Ear pressure, sneezing, weeping, congestion-the constant tickle in my nose extends into my eyes and at night it's hard to breathe like when I had pneumonia. I think the asthma that can be caused by allergies is worsening. My eyes are so bloodshot you'd think I'd have been smoking pot or crying for hours. Maybe it's because we now have four cats in the house now. I think people are too quick to put the needs of themselves before animals, so whatever this bug is, I'm not getting rid of any of the cats.
I watched some of the Academy Awards and, with allergies contributing, cried when Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor and his parents and sister came out to accept it for his little girl, Matilda. I really liked Heath Ledger and I think God snatched him up too early.
I read this small zombie novel last night and it was really good-not what I was expecting. People are regaining control over the planet but the colony the story takes place in don't kill zombies if they don't have to out of their respect for the dead, so the put them in containment facilities. And one half of the book is about a girl coming of age in this colony, but the other is from one of the zombies' point of view. He found his wallet and remembers how to read and doesn't want to eat humans [his first bite tasted gross to him]and an army dude notices that he's different and befriends him and takes him out on field trips and stuff. And the zombie finds a girl zombie [who is slightly more inclined to eating people than he is]and he teaches her "manners" and they become friends and later on, an integral part to the colony. They can't talk, just moan and grunt and wheeze, but they understand talking and the female zombie [Lucy]can remember how to play the violin. A viewpoint of a zombie-I don't think that's been done before, and certainly not a vegetarian zombie.
The book is entitled Dying to Live: Life Sentence, by Kim Paffenroth. So go read it. Now.
I watched some of the Academy Awards and, with allergies contributing, cried when Heath Ledger won Best Supporting Actor and his parents and sister came out to accept it for his little girl, Matilda. I really liked Heath Ledger and I think God snatched him up too early.
I read this small zombie novel last night and it was really good-not what I was expecting. People are regaining control over the planet but the colony the story takes place in don't kill zombies if they don't have to out of their respect for the dead, so the put them in containment facilities. And one half of the book is about a girl coming of age in this colony, but the other is from one of the zombies' point of view. He found his wallet and remembers how to read and doesn't want to eat humans [his first bite tasted gross to him]and an army dude notices that he's different and befriends him and takes him out on field trips and stuff. And the zombie finds a girl zombie [who is slightly more inclined to eating people than he is]and he teaches her "manners" and they become friends and later on, an integral part to the colony. They can't talk, just moan and grunt and wheeze, but they understand talking and the female zombie [Lucy]can remember how to play the violin. A viewpoint of a zombie-I don't think that's been done before, and certainly not a vegetarian zombie.
The book is entitled Dying to Live: Life Sentence, by Kim Paffenroth. So go read it. Now.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I really, really hate the DMV.
I had one day until my permit expired. I can drive, just not while being watched and scrutinized and slightly drugged and possibly sick.
Why didn't I get it in high school? I missed half of driver's ed due to illness and the teacher is seriously a pedophile. No way I would drive by myself with him.
And then the night before going to take the road test, I started a new sleep medication. My brother woke me up at 3:15 in the afternoon and the appointment was at 4:00. I woke up feeling medicated and sore. I had just enough time to swallow a banana, chug down my pills with a glass of milk, and brush my teeth.
It didn't take long for the road test person to come out. I felt so doped up. I think that's what a hangover feels like. I felt similar once after taking cold medicine with my meds a few years ago and being knocked out on the floor. So I was focused on looking alert. Driving slowly, always checking for invisible cars.
What did the damage? I ran a stop sign [don't remember that], botched a three point turn [which I can do and have done], and didn't parallel park well enough [not my best point, but who parallel parks in Utah?].
Afterwards, since I only had a day left on my permit, we had to wait half an hour to renew that and that's when I really started feeling sick along with the medicinal hangover. I think I'm getting a cold. My throat was killing me and I had the aches I get when I'm sick where it hurts to touch things, let alone sit on those horrible plastic chairs. And the shakes. My mom left and bought some juice. I think there was some mild dehydration considering I'd only had a small cup of milk in however many hours.
So I have another six months to "practice." I went home, ate some macaroni, and went to bed. No new sleeping pill this time, so although hangover-free, I'm certain I have a cold.
A lovely story. The end.
Why didn't I get it in high school? I missed half of driver's ed due to illness and the teacher is seriously a pedophile. No way I would drive by myself with him.
And then the night before going to take the road test, I started a new sleep medication. My brother woke me up at 3:15 in the afternoon and the appointment was at 4:00. I woke up feeling medicated and sore. I had just enough time to swallow a banana, chug down my pills with a glass of milk, and brush my teeth.
It didn't take long for the road test person to come out. I felt so doped up. I think that's what a hangover feels like. I felt similar once after taking cold medicine with my meds a few years ago and being knocked out on the floor. So I was focused on looking alert. Driving slowly, always checking for invisible cars.
What did the damage? I ran a stop sign [don't remember that], botched a three point turn [which I can do and have done], and didn't parallel park well enough [not my best point, but who parallel parks in Utah?].
Afterwards, since I only had a day left on my permit, we had to wait half an hour to renew that and that's when I really started feeling sick along with the medicinal hangover. I think I'm getting a cold. My throat was killing me and I had the aches I get when I'm sick where it hurts to touch things, let alone sit on those horrible plastic chairs. And the shakes. My mom left and bought some juice. I think there was some mild dehydration considering I'd only had a small cup of milk in however many hours.
So I have another six months to "practice." I went home, ate some macaroni, and went to bed. No new sleeping pill this time, so although hangover-free, I'm certain I have a cold.
A lovely story. The end.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Vampire?!
The last week I haven't slept well.
Wednesday: 5'O Clock [1 melatonin, 2 depakote, 2 ambien, 1 clonopin, 2 tylenol PM, I think]
Thursday: 3'O Clock
Friday: 1'O Clock
Saturday: 2'O Clock
Sunday: 2'O Clock.
And that's with a few sedatives.
I watched this documentary on the impact of vampires on moderen culture [obviously made before Stephanie Meyer came about] and some of the people who thought they were vampires were really hokey so during the commercials of old people getting health insurance my dad and my sister and I kept pointing out which old people were vampires because "vampires are all around us and look just like you and me!" Especially this old little black lady with large dentures.
So methinks I am a vampire because I'm slowly becoming nocturnal, haha.
Urgh. And to top it off, a visit to the therapist at 10:30 in the morning [early for me]. But maybe I can get some elephant tranquilizers or something. A dart gun.
This will make it difficult to do my new and first calling of primary teacher. I don't know what age group I'll have or anything, but I haven't been able to go to church because I'm too tired.
Wednesday: 5'O Clock [1 melatonin, 2 depakote, 2 ambien, 1 clonopin, 2 tylenol PM, I think]
Thursday: 3'O Clock
Friday: 1'O Clock
Saturday: 2'O Clock
Sunday: 2'O Clock.
And that's with a few sedatives.
I watched this documentary on the impact of vampires on moderen culture [obviously made before Stephanie Meyer came about] and some of the people who thought they were vampires were really hokey so during the commercials of old people getting health insurance my dad and my sister and I kept pointing out which old people were vampires because "vampires are all around us and look just like you and me!" Especially this old little black lady with large dentures.
So methinks I am a vampire because I'm slowly becoming nocturnal, haha.
Urgh. And to top it off, a visit to the therapist at 10:30 in the morning [early for me]. But maybe I can get some elephant tranquilizers or something. A dart gun.
This will make it difficult to do my new and first calling of primary teacher. I don't know what age group I'll have or anything, but I haven't been able to go to church because I'm too tired.
I got twelve hours of sleep and I'm dead on my feet.
"4'O Clock
"4'O Clock
4'O Clock
Never let me sleep
I close my eyes and pray
For the garish light of day
Like a frightened child I run
From the sleep that never comes
4'O Clock
4'O Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only madness knows my name
At 4'O Clock
4'O Clock
4'O Clock
Never let me sleep
I close my eyes and pray
For the garish light of day
Like a frightened child I run
From the sleep that never comes
4'O Clock
4'O Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only madness knows my name
At 4'O Clock
Why can we never go back to bed?
Whose is the voice ringing in my head?
Where is the sense in these desperate dreams?
Why should I wake when I'm half-past dead?
Sure as the clock keeps its steady chime
Weak as I walk to its steady rhyme
Ticking away from the ones we love
So many girls, so little time
So many girls, so little time
4'O Clock
4'O Clock
Out of bed I creep
To climb this tower of shame
But the hour's still the same
Only slumber never came
Only madness knows my name
At 4'O Clock."
-by Emilie Autumn.
-by Emilie Autumn.
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