A slow decay.

Analysis of previously blogged dream symbolism:

Obviously I don't want to be eaten alive [who does?], like to fight the supernatural, and have a lot of issues. Dig deeper. I don't feel like I'm being heard. Why? Because I sleep fifteen hours or more. I don't change out of pajamas. I don't eat much because I sleep more. Since I'm not terminal or in a wheelchair, people don't take it seriously. Many don't believe that half my "conditions" exist.

I was one of the few in my class to go to college instead of working part-time and hanging out with friends the rest of the time. I had no money, no friends, was alienated and swamped with things I hadn't been taught. The dorm conditions were terrible and shredded my husk of a body. I would cry nightly. Cut weekly. My teachers were terrible, with one exception. But I assumed it was supposed to be like that and I was doing the right thing. But all those friends back home are happy and prosperous with their part-time jobs, getting cars, getting married [?!], and so busy doing that that they forgot about me.

And here's the good part-I come home because I would have killed myself if I was up there any longer AND everyone flips and goes to school. They are now too busy working and going to school and somehow managing to still party all night. It was like walking into a room and everything's bizarro world, from black to white at the flip of a coin.

So here I lay, in "recovery," for reasons no one thinks legit enough for their precious time to be spent on. People claim their bodies are temples. Mine is a prison.

I don't read much anymore. I lay around and stare. There's nothing for me to do. There is no where to go and no way to get there. Recent events have shown I'm too drugged up and mentally unstable for a license. Not that I have a car like the people who didn't go to school. I can't go outside-I'm allergic to everything out there. I can't work because I have no car, no health, and the economy doesn't bloody help. Why would I ever want to go back to school-to the pressure and money and harassment? Why would I ever want to stay in here in the house sleeping? The hell of everything and the hell of nothing as the world is falling down.

I've been forgotten. Check my empty phone. The lack of responses on the computer. I do reach out. No one fucking answers. I'm screaming in a deaf world.

End transmission.