"The blood is the life," -Dracula.

Can you tell I was having a breakdown on that last post? Ha. Manic depression does that to ya! Or life in general, rather. I alluded to that to Josh via instant messaging and he said "I know how you feel" but he really can't [I could make a very long list as to why].

That night I cut myself as usual when these things happen. "How dreadful!" you think. No, not really. Your body releases endorphins when in pain and it's much more effective than any anti-depressant because it tackles so many frustrations at once. Science proves it, and psychiatrists say that unfortunently, it works, and that if it keeps you from killing yourself, do it to a controlled degree. I was not attempting suicide. And I'm proud to say I do a good job of cutting and I'm not afraid to talk about it.

1. Cut horizontally. Cutting vertically does more damage.
2. Your instrument must be clean and only use it once, then dispose of it.
3. Clean the wound vigorously to prevent infection.
4. Dress the wound appropriately-make sure it has room to breathe so it doesn't stick to a dry dressing because you'll tear it open again.
5. Keep it clean and when you can, let it "air out."

My cut was at the most, borderline three stitches. And I felt much better afterwards. Two days later it is beginning to close even though I flex and contract the muscles it's on. And no more bandaging!

I feel much better, for the moment. I usually purge every few months when things build up to a point where I can't handle it. Addict behavior? I don't think so since it's few and far between. Last resort? Yes. It does hurt sometimes and other times I don't feel it at all. And it's definently not constricted to the "angsty mentally unstable teen" group. You'd be surprised.

Out for now.